We don’t know which way to go.”
First, if you have not listened to John Legends Ordinary People, I suggest ya’ll get off your butts and go listen. I have no business writing lyrics or singing them, but if I could have a one-hit wonder, I’d want it to be that. Or Single Ladies by Beyonce. OR, better yet, Alanis Morissette’s You Oughta Know because, come on, that song is perfection in EVERY sense of the word omg.
Anyway -second - I conducted my experiment, which, if ya’ll didn’t gather from the last post - was about relationships and my lack of experience with them. I didn’t do anything outrageous and as some of my other classmates started to do their experiments, I thought that perhaps I had done something wrong (because, also calling it an experiment, threw me off big time). But, there is no wrong and right, and that’s what I had to keep in mind. I conducted my experiment as the following: I talked about my brief, dateless experience, then I decided to kill two birds with one stone (fear-wise) and read something I wrote (I HATE having other people read what I write) about one of my newer experiences in the “dating world” that was sort of a fail (feel free to read the experience here: http://emptyden.tumblr.com/post/67575268013/i-thought-it-would-be-easier-five-times-ive)
The class was really silent. I tried to make eye contact with everyone as I read it, and it was nice to see that a lot of people were listening
(which was hard because one of the ex-students decided to come in dressed as a mime and sit and stare at everyone. I think she might have been a part of an experiment of another student, but nonetheless I think she overstayed her welcome, and I found it a bit rude, honestly, because it took away the seriousness of others projects)
and that they were soaking in what I had written. Beth had some nice things to say about my piece, and she said it was beautiful and there were some moments that painted a really nice image. She gave me advice to seek and research further into what other people consider a relationship to be or what their version of “feeling” is, which I think I will do in one way or another. Love is something I’ve always been curious about, and in the past I’ve done most of my projects around it. But, that was also 4 years ago and I think it’s time to look at it again.
Ross sent me a text later that night saying that he thought it was “Hella Brave” to read what I wrote in front of everyone, which was really nice and made me feel less embarrassed that I did so. Corey also talked to me a bit after class about it, and, as a married man, gave me advice and told me to hang in there, which was actually really sweet lol. It was nice to see that some of my classmates did pay attention. I’m not sure if it particularly affected any of them (I guess we’ll see when we do part three), but their reactions were better than I expected. For people to at least seem like they were listening means a lot to me.
As for what I would change…..I’m not sure. I think it all went well, but perhaps I could have prepared better. I probably could have written out what I was going to say and had them there as notes, therefore I wouldn’t leave anything out or stutter or trip up on my words. The thing is, is that my original idea for this project was to go on a lot of dates and write about the experiences, and I still think that’s a good idea. But I think that if I treated the date more like research, then I would be missing the point of actually being on a date: to learn about the other person and enjoy their time. So I ditched that idea and did something different and far more…tame, but still difficult for me. All in all, I think I did what I set out to do, and if I made any changes, they’d be small.
We will be finishing up the rest of class tomorrow, and thus far what I have heard and seen has been good. Emotionally, some really tugged at my heart and it was hard to hear what people have been through. Others were funny or scary, but it was nice to see everyone open up so much.